life before and after

So today I was on the phone with my old pastor talking about him and his wife coming to visit Kari and I.  As we were on the phone he asked me an interesting question.  He said "Do we need to bring our bedding or anything?" I chuckled and just said "No way, maybe if you were visiting my when I was a bachelor you would not only have to bring your own bedding but a plate and silverware to eat with but not now."

 Later as I processed through what i thought was a joke. Thought. I realized that it really was not a joke.  To my own personal dismay the life I use to live was very different from where I am right now. I once thought I was a well adapted, clean, owner of nice stuff, had everything I needed, could entertain, could make a home; BUT the truth of the matter is nothing of that was close to the way I live today.  My wife has an amazing gift for truly making a home a home.  I lived in ignorant bliss, very ignorant bliss. I had no idea what possibilities were really out there to welcome friends into a home and make them feel comfortable.  All i could offer them was fast internet and a good television show. (which by the way is pretty important) But it is not what makes people feel welcomed and comfortable.

So, I guess I need to take a moment to say I am better off now than I was before.  Better off because I have a loving and caring wife who has helped in making a home for me and with me.  A home where people no longer have to bring there own dinner plates and bedding to come visit me.  A home where we can be proud to have people over at any time or any point.  A home where we have gotten enough towels so all our guests can shower not just 4 of them (Since that is all the towels i had) Not a home where when a car pulls in the driveway you have to quickly pick up your underwear off the middle of the living room floor and toss them in your bedroom and close the door. (No I don't have any clue why there were underwear in my living room, it is just where i decided to drop them)

This is a good life. good. And once again, i need to stop and thank my wife.  Thanks for giving me more dishes than I know what to do with, for the fruit bowls I never thought I would use, for the water goblets that bring elegance to a meal for our friends, for giving my underwear a home, for having enough towels so our guests can ALL shower, not just a few of them, for having beautiful rooms and beds and sheets for our guests, for decorating with pictures and art to make this a home, for having the heart you do to make it all happen. Thanks.

I just now hope one day I can make people feel comfortable with tv and internet too. (I still think that is pretty important too) I guess some things will never change.

Christopher Scott<><

Through Your Eyes

The longer I'm married, the more I realize the differences between men and women.  Okay, okay, it's only been 3 1/2 months, but I still have new insights.  :)  Maybe I should say, the differences between Chris and I, versus men and women.  Generalizing all women by my own thoughts and all men by Chris' thoughts may not be fair, but regardless, it's interesting how we see different things in the same setting.

Have you ever noticed how important getting clear television channels is to men?  I've lived (what I considered to be a great life) for the last eight years without cable or satellite T.V.  So, yes, I get three or four channels, but who needs more?  I can watch Oprah, the Today Show, and the Biggest Loser.  I'm not a big T.V. watching; my life is complete.  Well, it is football season, in case you weren't sure, and my poor husband is having a rough time with our T.V. selection.  Frustrated is an understatement when the poor guy is trying to watch a football game on Sunday afternoon, Survivor on Wednesday night, or the Amazing Race and the channel through our digital converter box gets lines across it and the sound starts to sound like chipmunks with hiccups.  I cringe as he covers his face in frustration knowing that he is screaming internally and would really like to externally.  He went as far as to consider placing a ladder on the uneven roof (with me holding the bottom) to try to get up to the antennae so that he could try to change the direction of the antennae in order to watch the game. 

So, you may be thinking, that's not a big deal!  Watch the shows and games you want to watch online.  Well....that would work, but the same is true of our internet service.  Chris spent the extra money during the last few years to get 20GB of speed from his wireless internet provider in the Wisconsin.  It was awesome.  He watched T.V., movies, videos, and surfed the net with no problems at all.  Well, now that we are living here in Michigan, we are getting a great deal from a local internet provider, but let's just say, the speed isn't 20GB. In fact, my patient husband has taken to running speed tests throughout the day (as a form of entertainment perhaps?) and consistently gets .4-.8 GB of speed.  Please notice the decimal point before those numbers.  Needless to say, downloading even a You Tube video takes forever and you are interrupted a bunch of times watching the video in 15 second increments. 

Now here's what is so intriguing to me....I have lived like this for the last eight years and thought NOTHING of it.  But, during the last five weeks, I've thought about it a lot.  In fact, I'm feeling a bit inferior...our service isn't good enough.  It's interesting to consider our home through Chris' eyes when all I notice is whether the bed has been made or not!  :)

~Kari

Full Circle

I never realized how dirty of a guy I am.  Maybe I have lived all of these years in deniable bliss, but i remember the first time i thought this with my new wife.  (Now I am ghoing to admit something here, please don't judge....even though I say this I know you are still going to, Just know this will come "full circle" at the end.) 
Anyways, Kari had something wrong with her feet a long time ago and I said to her "why don't you pee on it"  Her response was very unforgiving "GROSS!" I said "Why is that gross the sterile will help clean it, I do it when I have a problem." her response confined my true dirtiness "NO!, YOU DO NOT! Tell me you don't!" All I could do is confirm the truth. And that truth confirmed what a gross dirty man I was.

It does not stop here though. Sadly.

I also have learned all kinds of other things proving how dirty I truly am; I would like to share with you all of the things that I have learned in the months of my marriage.  My hope in sharing is that those of you who do not have wives that are as honest with you, who do not communicate these things, know they are watching.
 Ready for the list to show how disgusting you are.
 -When cooking ALWAYS wash your hands before starting
-When you are cooking if you touch one food ALWAYS wash your hands before you touch another food
 -No matter where you are at it is unacceptable to NOT wash your hands after you pee
-If your sheets are not washed once every week or two(TOPS) you are sleeping in filth
 -Dusting is a bi-weekly project
 -showering daily. taking a few days off leaves you greasy and well, disgusting. Disgusting.
-Mop more than twice a year

These are some of the things I have learned not to do in my new life with my wife. Because they all make me: Dirty. Disgusting. Yeah I am sure many of you have other words too.  Know this though, I am a changed man, i think I washed my hands 15 times alone today.  I am a different man now, I am trying to be: Clean. Adorable. All for my wife.

Yesterday though my disgusting start of this came around with a full, redemptive, in your face, circle.  We were at the foot doctor together yesterday, and he looked at Kari's foot and said looks like a little fungus and I said just trying to be a smarty "Maybe you should pee on it!" And the Doctor looked at us smiled and said "Actually I recommend that, it works great!"  WHAT? WHAT? The start of this revealing disgusting thing I was right? ME? Right? YES!  And to boot Kari picked up her new foot lotion to cure her fungus and guess what was in it? Urea. which is what? sounds like something to me...

So how disgusting am I? What I was saying to do was right! It does help! Maybe i chose the wrong profession, maybe i should be a doctor.  My advice for everything is: Pee on it.

 Who knows maybe my other gross manisms will prove to be ok as time goes on.,  One can hope. And I do. Hope.

You are related to who?

This past Friday was date night for Kari and I.  Date nights are fun, because they give us a chance to get out and spend time with one another.  At the end of our dinner we decided to go the Charlevoix High School football game.  I really enjoy watching football, there is something nostalgic about sitting in the football stands with a blanket watching two teams play one another.

There were a few realizations that I had as we sat through this game.  The first hit me as I listened to the announcer "Run by Boss"  "pass by Potter" called the announcer.  Those of you who do not know these are family names of my wonderful bride from both sides of her family.  I joked saying what is the announcer in your family too? Kari very sweetly chuckled and said "Yes, he is" And later that announcer called down to the line judge saying "Uncle Lou, flip the number will ya!" At this point I had a lot of thoughts run through my head.  But one rose more clearly then the others, so I looked over to my wife and said "I see why you chose to marry a man from out of this town." She said "Why?" I responded with "because you wanted kids who did not have any deformities."  Kari has a lot of people who she is related to in this community, but beyond that she just has deep roots in this town and community.

  And this brings me to the second realization I had:

Because Kari knows these people and more importantly knows their stories she enjoyed just watching them.  I sat and watched the game, she sat and watched the people.  This is one of the things I love about my wife, she never turns people off.  I do.  I enjoyed sitting there watching football, not thinking about anything but the game.  Kari was paying attention to the stories of the people.  The people she knew.  The people from her world.  Even though I enjoy to shut the brain off, something I think I need to work on is to take in the heart behind what Kari was doing, and not shut the people off around me.  To notice them.  To take the time to know this community, to learn their story.  Too often I do not take the time to see the people.  I thank my wife for the reminder of this, for the reminder to stop and look at the people, to see them to know them.....Even if it is in between the plays.

Christopher <><

Listening

"You aren't listening to what I'm thinking!"  Nice quote right?  Who on earth would say such a crazy thing?!  Well, I have to admit that I made that comment to Chris, but there is more to the story...and needless to say, I misspoke as this thought came out of my mouth.  However, I do wonder if there was a piece of me that really did want him to know what I was thinking. 

Typically, I have thought of myself as a good listener.  Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, but I enjoy listening to people as they share thoughts, ideas, and life.  But, I've learned lately (it's amazing how marriage does this to us) that I need to work on my listening skills and on sharing my thoughts rather than assuming someone can read my mind.  I'm not even sure what Chris and I were talking about when I made the comment about him not listening to me, but I do remember the sheer frustration that what I was trying to communicate was not what he was hearing.  He was hearing my words in a different way than I thought I was sharing them. 

In a similar way, Chris and I have been talking about listening to God.  We attempt to live our lives the way that God wants us to, to follow His path for our lives and do the things He wants us to do.   However, it's hard to know what that is at different points in our lives.  It is very clear to me that God has me in my place of work for a reason.  I don't know exactly what that reason is, but it is clear that this is where he wants me.  Not all things are that clear in our lives.  Chris and I decided that perhaps God feels silent in our lives because we are doing all the talking and not enough listening.  Listening to God is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do, but something that I also think is really important.  So, today we made our first attempt at listening.  We went for a walk together, but in silence the entire time.  This is so difficult for me!  I started by asking God to take away any distractions and to move my thoughts to the thing He wanted me to think about.  While I didn't hear any audible voice of God, I do think that God had things for me to hear from Him today.  And guess what, He never asked me to read His mind, but He was willing to place on my heart what is on His!  Another lesson I can learn from Him!  I hope to consistently listen to God and respond to the things He lays on my heart.  I have a hankering that one of those things is to communicate better with my husband so that I am more clearly articulating my thoughts and listening carefully to his.  

May I continue to keep my ears open!
Kari

My Confession

I need to confess something to you.  I am sometimes annoying. Very annoying.  I do not know why I do some of the things I do.  But I am finding they can get me in trouble with my wife.  Here is one instance of something recent.  I have this little habit of flipping switches on and off, on and off, on and off. When i see buttons, i want to push and play. Just something in me drives me to do it.  My wife does not like it when I do that.  When we ride in the car i want to hit the window button up and down, up and down, up and down. She does not like it for a variety of reasons we do not need to get into right now.  So lets sum up where we are at so we are on the same page. Since this is the set up to what really happened.

Chris has annoying habits of flipping things on and off = Wife does not like

So, on with the story.  There is a light switch in our house that does not work.  Her father Bud has fixed it before but it was not working again.  I knew it, And I also know I am not very good at mechanical things especially electrical things.  But I wanted to give it a try, you know being the "man of the house" Because, is that not what the men do, fix things. So, I went down flipped off the electricity (Have to give me credit for knowing that much) And Went up stairs took the plate where the problem was and looked touched some wires and thought to myself "Yup looks good to me-whoever did this obviously did a good and correct job. OBVIOUSLY." I then closed it up. Went downstairs flipped the electricity back on.  As i passed the place where the problem was i hit the switch. And guess what happened? THEY CAME ON! I internally celebrated at my amazing electrical prowess. But than i thought to myself.  "I really didn't do anything...I moved wires. that was it." Then I thought maybe Kari's father came over and got to it. Because there was no way I really did that. I decided to own it anyway.  I decided to be excited because maybe i touched a loose wire.  Who knows. Maybe i missed my calling in life to be an electrician.

Later that evening when Kari was home she was doing the dishes and I said with much pride "Look at what I did" flipping the light on and off, on and off, on and off..  The thing was this time was not out of habit or annoyance but out of excitement wanting to be congratulated for my amazing husband work. And I went ignored.  She barely even looked up from the dishes.  My manmotions (You know the emotions of a man) were very hurt. Where was my "OH HONEY! You are my electrical dream boat!" As she ran towards me for a kiss.  Nothing. So, on off, on off, on off went the light again to showcase my work." STOP THAT!" Kari said. Hmmmm, well that is not at all what I expected to hear. Not at all.

After Kari and I discussed things I found out she thought I was doing my annoying act, and I thought she just did not care.  But none of that was being communicated. I am thankful we had the opportunity to discuss openly and honestly about the situation.  This could have been one of those things that could have gone by with both of us feeling upset.  This is why I am convinced discussion and communication are so important in our relationship.  Also, not holding someones habits as a marker for why they are doing something.  I am glad we worked through this, and I hope we both learned from this situation as well.  I know I did.  I know I have to be careful of my annoying little habits so they are not misjudged in other circumstances.

Everything is better in two's...

For the last three weeks we have been living in Charlevoix.  After a fun summer wrapping up life in the U.P., enjoying time with those people Chris grew to love over the last four years and those I've gotten to know for a couple of years, spending time with friends on the lake, packing, packing, and more packing, we made the big move.  All of our belongings were finally in one place and there was no more solo traveling scheduled for us in the near future.  But, since we have moved here to Charlevoix, I have begun to notice a few things about married life.  Perhaps I'm noticing them more because we are now living in what was once "my" space.  It has now become "ours" and with that, we have also begun doing lots of activities together...things I once did solo.  And it is true, the same "blah" activities have now become more enjoyable and even exciting with two.

For instance, we had a raw wood bed that came from Chris' house and was going to be used in our new guest room.  In order to finish out the room and change what was once an office into a guest room, we needed to stain the bed frame.  A frame that Chris owned for over a year, but never got around to staining (who wants to take on that project solo).  As we left the frame in the garage unpacking, I dreaded the idea of staining it someday.  I also knew that if we carried it inside and put the bed together this way, years would pass before the bed ever was completed.  So, we left it in the garage.  In my head, I wrote it off as a "summer project" (as in the summer of 2011).  I'm not sure if it is just teachers who create these summer to-do lists that I speak of, but any project that seems too big to tackle, gets added to my summer to-do list.  Surprisingly, after a couple of days of unpacking, Chris and I looked at each other as we admired the piles and boxes of craziness in the guest room and he said, "well, should we stain that bed frame so we can get this room in order?"  What?!  Stain the bed, now?  Not wait until the summer of 2011?  I guess we could do it now, and it would be AWESOME to get that room in order.  I have a partner in crime for this project....it sounds so much more doable with two!  I'm in.  Today, I can happily report that we both learned a lot about staining...and the room is complete (well, almost)!


So, I also shouldn't have been surprised when all the boxes of "misc." items ended up in the basement.  We quickly learned that combining two lives of 30 year old's wasn't easy as we've both acquired way too much stuff!  With each box that got carried down (unlabeled) I cringed at the thought of later looking for something in a panic someday when we "had to have it" and not being able to find it!  But, I had to tell myself, "Kari, don't fret about it, we will get to the basement next summer."  See, here I was at my antics again.  The summer of 2011's "to-do" list was growing.  This took a couple more weeks and some boring days, but again, we decided to tackle it together.  Yup, bug bombs set, brooms to the cobwebs, my label-er in hand, and industrial brooms and we were ready to set to it.  It's amazing how a job that seemed SO BIG really only took us a couple of hours.  And guess what!  The completed project is beautiful, neatly organized and labeled rubbermaids adorning the nicely swept and cobweb free basement.  I might just want to venture down there every once in a while now!  Yet again, a project completed together that once seemed daunting is completed...together (and it's not the summer of 2011). 

I could go on and on with projects such as these.  Maybe it's because I had to do these things on my own for so long, but I've found so many projects more enjoyable: cooking, cleaning the house, going for walks, hanging out on a boring day, going shopping, etc.  And there are even other projects that seem to magically to be done!  I haven't mowed a lawn since the beginning of June!!!

In big and small ways, I am learning, that life really is better with two!

~Kari

To dwell or not to dwell.

"You know I will dwell on that if you don't"  Those were the words I heard after I spent 45 minutes on a lawnmower mowing our lawn.  You should know this is no ordinary lawnmower.  It is a Super Z zero degree double handled capable of pealing out, and possibly fast enough to beat a moped lawnmower.  So, when I say I mowed for 45 minutes, you should know it is a decent size lawn. When I was done with this pure manmachine, I put it back up on the trailer locked it up and walked into the house.  On my way in I noticed a little patch I somehow forgot to get. And that is when I heard it. Kari's voice. In my head. Loudly.  Ever since I have married Kari, I have somehow developed this audible Kari voice in my head.  And when I do something, forget to do something, do something the wrong way, The voice is in my head. Loudly.  The thing is I usually respond to it.  I respond because I want to make my bride happy. I listen to it, because I think it is truly what Kari would want me to do.  But I need to admit, I ignored it this time. I thought to myself speaking to the voice in my head, I already loaded the manmachine up, it is ready to be driven back to her parent's house.  I do not want to unload it, and mow this little patch.  The patch can wait till the next mow. Seriously look at it, not that bad, right?

 can you even see where I forgot? Barely.  So the Loud voice went ignored, and I entered the house.  My beautiful and intelligent wife was working diligently on her paper for her doctorate program. I announced "The lawn is done, ready to go bring it back. I missed a little patch but it should be fine." She stood up looked at me very sweetly and said "I would like to see"  I knew right there the voice in my head was right.  The Loud voice of my wife that I ignored, should never have been ignored.  All it took was for her to see the patch, her sweet innocent look at me saying "You know I will dwell on that if you don't" for me to go take the mower of the trailer, mow for 15 seconds, and load it all back up.

I guess I am slowly learning the importance of trying to listen to that voice in my head.  I know my way of doing things and thinking is sometimes very different from my wifes.  But I think marriage is about trying our best to make the other happy, even if it means you are doing things "Not the way you would"  Next time I will try a little better to not ignore the voice in my head. 

-Christopher Scott<><