I am worth $1.50

I am finding sometimes TRUE change is hard. Very hard.

This past week my beautifully pregnant wife has been getting ready for a garage sale.  Which is a very normal thing for a couple to do.  When they have a bunch of stuff they have collected over the years together that they just do not need anymore.  They put them in their garage and sell their stuff.

A few questions should arrive in your mind at this point. Two actually.

1. They have only been married for a year, how much stuff could they have possibly collected?

2. Chris, where has all your stuff that "did not make the cut" get put?

The answer to both of these questions is we have had a lot of my stuff lovingly packed in boxes in our garage, and it is now spread out on tables with price tags slapped on them.

When I got home from work the other day I walked through the garage looking at all my stuff trying to convince my wife why we should not get rid of it.  It was like the day had finally come when I had to get rid of all that stuff I had when I was a bachelor.  It was one thing to "change" when all my stuff was still near packed into boxes, but it is another thing to see price tags on all of it.

Yesterday turned into me trying to convince her why...and her trying to convince me why not!

She said "Chris, think of all the money we will have earned from this!" I looked down at all of my things with $0.10 and $0.25 markings on them.  I said what? We will make a buck fifty of this stuff!  And that is when it hit me  My old life was worth $1.50.

Truth.

My life now is invaluable.  There is no way I could ever put a price on my life, my wife, my baby.  The way I feel when I am home having a conversation, eating, sharing, caring for one another.  It makes me look at all of that old stuff and makes me think how easy it is to put value on it. Even if it is only $1.50.

Between you and me though I may or may not have rescued a few things when her back was turned.  That is our little secret though!

CSM<><

Moments

Do you ever have those brief moments where all the haziness of life diffuses out and for a brief moment all makes sense and is clear?  I just had one. Right now. So many thoughts in one brief moment.

Here is my little moment:

I woke up from a nap, which was lovely.  I looked across at my sleeping wife enjoying her own afternoon nap.   As I stared at her (In a completely non creeperish way) it hit me.

I married this women.  What a moment.
She is having my baby. What a moment.
We are going to be parents. What a moment.
We get to raise our child together. What a moment.
My heart bursts with love and anticipation. What a moment.
We can and will do this. Together. What a moment.
There is no one else I would rather have at my side. What a moment.

All that hit me in that one brief moment of seeing my bride sleeping.  Good thing she did not catch me.  Maybe I will tell her about it when she wakes up.  But as she sleeps, you all get to read it first.

CSM

The thoughts of a teacher in the summer...

It has been far too long since I have written.  I suppose I could tell you a million reasons why life has been too busy for me to blog, but all of that would be excuses.  The honest truth is that I never really know what to write about.  This has given me a new appreciation for those wide eyed first and second graders that look at me when I ask them to write on a daily basis with a frustrated look on their faces and say, "Mrs. Maki, I don't know what to write about."  In reality, there are a million things I can and should be writing about.  However, I'm a bit intimidated by the husbands humor and the fact that my posts never end up that way.  I guess I need to learn to be okay with that.  My posts just have a different flare. 

I have to admit that my thoughts as of late have had to do with mostly one topic, BABY!  That's right, at eighteen weeks into this pregnancy, the baby is consuming almost all of my thoughts and energy.  The projects on my to-do list are either directly or indirectly related to the baby coming.  Yes, completing the nursery is on the list, but so is finishing that t-shirt quilt I promised my husband last summer because, "if I don't do it now, I won't do it with a newborn infant." 

I've learned that everyone asks pregnant woman, "how are you feeling."  I do it too, so I shouldn't be surprised, but the reality is that as a pregnant woman, you kind of get sick of answering this question.  I'm sure that things will change as the pregnancy goes on.  But, right now, I will just embrace the fact that I have been feeling awesome!  The nausea is gone from the first trimester.  The totally huge, baby taking over my body feeling of the third trimester has not occurred yet.  I'm just enjoying the second trimester.  The joy and awe of a 5.6 inch baby with fingernails and organs growing inside of me is overwhelming. 

There have been a couple of times when I've wondered if I'm feeling the baby move, but I'm not really sure.  The placenta is also on the anterior wall of the uterus, so my doctor told me that I may feel movement later than most.  Next week I go back to the doctor for my check up, and we have our "anatomy ultra sound" scheduled at the hospital for the second week in August.  We are not going to find out sex of the baby, as we are very excited for the surprise at delivery, but are still excited to see the baby again and hopefully learn that all is well in its development. 

I've been reading, reading, reading, and learning lots about pregnancy, delivery, and infant care.  I have to admit that I was pretty geeked to get our first package of cloth diapers that we ordered.  Ask me about them after changing and washing them for a year and I may feel differently, but as for now, I'm excited about our decision.  Now, I'm just waiting for our bedding to arrive.  It was back-ordered, so I'll be waiting for a while.  Really, I can relate the waiting and preparation for a baby to that of the waiting and preparation for our wedding.  While it seems you are ready and can hardly wait, you're never quite prepared for all that's in store.  I guess I'll find out in December.  The good news is that all the waiting and preparation for our wedding/marriage was totally worth it, and I couldn't be more thankful for the outcome.  The most exciting part of all of this is that I've been able to share both of these times of waiting with Chris.  It truly does make the waiting so much better to be able to share it with someone you love and to view the same situation from each others different perspectives.  I am so excited to see him as a dad.  I know he's going to be a great one!

So, there is a window into my heart and mind lately.  The reality is, we all have lots to share, but we sometimes don't know how to put a title on it or put it into story form.  We have to start somewhere...that's what drafting is all about!  I have so much to share with those second graders in a few weeks!

My Future.

I saw my future today.

I was walking in the the grocery store picking up a few things and I saw this old couple.  The man was pushing the cart.  That's what I do.

The women was carrying the list, checking things off, and pointing at where to go next. That's what she does.

There were bring your own, be green, and love your earth bags in the cart. That's what we do.

The man was wearing a polo looking like a stud.  Just like me

The women was wearing stylish trendy fun clothes. Just like her.

They than entered the check out line with me behind them. And yes I know this seems stalkerish, but it was mind boggling as I watched them.

He pushed the cart in with his wife in front as he stood back looking at the magazines and candy.  Just like me.

She unloaded the grocery in neat little piles or organization.  Just like she does.

They then paid and walked away.

I took care of my bill and walked outside and to my pleasant surprise they were right there.

He was there staring at her looking bored/confused/with a wondering gaze.  Just like I do.

She was examining every line of the receipt making sure is was not one cent off. Just like she does.

He than pushed the cart away, this time forever.  But I need to admit, I wanted to chase down the old man and give him a giant hug and just say "I understand, I get ya! I feel ya.  You are my future, I am living your life old man!"  I didn't do any of that though.  I just smiled and felt content in my future. One I gladly embrace.

CSM

our eyes.

I think I am blind.  If not blind, I for sure do not see all that well sometimes.  Just ask my wife, she will tell you the same thing.  My blindness comes in interesting forms though.

-I don't always see a pair of socks I took off and left on the floor

-I don't always see the "to do" list left for me on the counter (but I will set my coffee cup right on top of it)

-I do not always see the dust in the windows

-I do not always see the bed needing to be made

-I do not always see when the laundry needs to be taken down out of the bathroom

-I do not always see the bath mat left on the floor after a shower

-I do not always see the EXACT moment the lawn needs to be mowed.

Blindness. 

I have it.

You know who does see everyone of these things?  You got it. My wife. She sees. Well. Very well.

The truth of the matter is, I have felt a little guilty about this.  I have tried to work hard to see these things a little better. But, the guilt has left. Yes, you read that right the GUILT HAS LEFT!  And it happened just the other day....

So, I finally received real TV.  It has been something I have been working towards since I have been married over a year ago. And we finally just got DISH network.  Needless to say I was pretty excited to come home and check out my new prize. When I walked through the door from work I rushed to check it out.  My lovely wife was sitting in the living room (with the new DISH on). What would you think she had on with the vast new world of channels? She had on her normal free local news. BORING.  The thing is even that was alright. why? HD. That is right, the local channel in HD. I looked at her and said do you see that clarity of the HD? Her response....I can't tell. I can't see.

WHAT?

Guilt left me right in that moment. Gone. Just like that. OK, maybe I can not see some things, but you my lovely bride can not see the awesomeness of that HD.  Even.  That is what we are. Completely even.

Here is what I have learned in the last day.  We all see things differently and I am OK with that.  

I am a Know. It. All.

If you have kids you may not want to read on: You have been warned. Take nothing personally.

Here is the thing.  I have worked with kids for the past 11 years.  In those 11 years I have become what you may call...a- Know. It. All.  I have prided myself on learning the talk, learning how to reason, learning what kids like and don't like (even when it comes to how they are parented), I have read the books,  planned and sat through the seminars.  And through it all I have watched.  I have watched how kids have been parented, how they are punished, (or not punished in some cases). In all of my watching over these years I always have asked myself the question "what would I do with my kids in that situation?" so I have developed "all of the answers" in the past 11 years.

I have found that my wife also is a little bit of a Know. It. All.  She too has worked with little kids for the past 10 years.  In her time as a teacher she too has worked hard on her path of becoming a professional in understanding kids, parents, and how they work.  She has gone on to even become a specialist in education to fully understand kids and how they work and function.  In her time as a teacher she to has watched. Yes, watched. In her watching she too has seen how parents behave, how kids respond to certain things and has asked herself the same question as she has watched in the past 10 years "What would I do in that situation as a parent?"

Because both of us have watched so much we now sit back and openly discuss parenting techniques as they happen before our very eyes.  One of us will say...did you see that? Or did you hear that? And we than give the "right answer of how we would have handled that situation. It has made us into Know. It. Alls.

Even as we were on vacation this past week we watched how people parented from France, Mexico, England, and even some places we did not know the language. So, we became international Know. It. Alls.
We had all the answers, we knew exactly how to handle each situation.

We keep coming up with the same conclusion. We are going to be AWESOME parents. AWESOME.
Just ask us.

Here is the irony of all of this.  We don't have a kid. We have one on the way, but we really don't have one.  We truly have no idea of what parenting is going to be like, we have no idea of how our child is going to behave.  We have no clue of how we really will act in each of those situations.  We are rookies.

Being a Know. It. All. is going to do nothing for us because the truth is we know nothing. Nothing.  I hope that as we learn to be parents just a little bit of what we have learned in the past years will be applicable, but it is just like God to toss us a curve ball and allow us the gift of relearning everything we thought we knew.

So, I guess I need to apologize to all you parents out there that have been watched by me.  The answers may not be as simple as I once thought. I hope that when you watch me with my kids you are giving me a little grin knowing that I am a recovering Know. It. All.

CSM<><