Here is the thing I have been noticing lately. I am 31. I know, not that huge of a revelation, but it is all that goes into the 31. It's the definitions that I have created in the past 31 years of my life. Those wonderful definitions of things that made up my life....
Things like:
-shopping in the grocery store for all those wonderfully tasty processed foods, hot wings, meat bi-products, (and to to mention eating out at fast food McNugget joints)
-Going home and seeing the dishes left from last night's dinner and saying to your self...that can wait another day
-doing my laundry, drying it, and leaving it in the dryer so that every time you need a pair of underwear you go to the dryer and get it out.
-Knowing that it is -20 out with wind gusts of 50 mph and knowing that there is nothing that important outside that you will ever drag you out into the storm (Continue reading for the follow-up on this one)
-Having sleep patterns where I fell asleep where I am at when I am tired, never having a "bed time" or be woken up because you might be making a little noise...
Anyway, what I am saying is these definitions that I have created had become patterns in my life. I think we all have those definitions in our life. We have all created them. And we make our rules and decisions based off of them.
Here is the thing. My definitions are different from my wifes. Did I say different? Good. Because that was the exact word I wanted to use. DIFFERENT. For us I think these definitions became more clear as we moved into one another's space. I think we expected that one another was just so "amazing" so "wonderful" so "special" so "caring" so "loving" that we would not care about one another definitions we have been living by for the entirety of our lives.
Here are situations with each of our definitions:
-I grab something out of the fridge
Me: How quick can i get done with the item i grabbed and put back into the fridge w/o closing the door.
Kari: Close the door even if you walk away for 2.5 seconds.
-I am watching a show and it is 9:45
ME: Finish the show
Kari: Off to bed
- I just finished dinner
Me: Turn on the T.V. put my feet up and relax for the night
Kari: Scrub the kitchen till it sparkles
-I need to heat something in the microwave
Me: I put it in the microwave and heat it
Kari: Put it on a microwave safe plate, cover it with wax paper so it does not get everywhere and then put it in the microwave.
I am learning that we each have own set. The wonderful thing that I see though is since we have been married we are creating a whole new set of definitions together. And I am finding that as we continue to make these up together, married life is continuing to be a wonderful thing. Our definitions that we are creating as a working married couple are giving us direction and understanding of one another as a couple, not as single individuals which we no longer are. You see those old definitions are outdated. All that truly matter are the ones we create as we grow with one another...
Ones like:
- It is time to pour our milk for dinner
Me: I pour both glasses----Mine full, hers 3/4 full (I just know)
-As we leave Traverse City
Me: I pull into McDonalds (without saying a word)
Kari: Hands me $1.06 for our annual leaving Traverse diet coke we share
-My wife is coming home from a long day
Me: I get food ready, turn t.v off and talk about day
Kari: Comes in and shares her heart
-I am in a "funk"
Me: I am grouchy
Kari: Gives me space, talks, cares for me in a loving way
- It is -20 out with wind gusts of 50 mph and knowing that there is nothing that important outside that you will ever drag you out into the storm
Me: I go out and get whatever my wife forgot in the car
Kari: Knows I will do whatever it takes so she does not have to get cold
You see we are learning each other. But more importantly we are redefining all that we know. And this is what I think marriage is. New definitions.
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