Finding Purpose

One of my more favorite things to do with my wife is to go on walks.  We started off really good, going several times a week, but our walks have been getting less and less.  When we do go out, I can tell right from the beginning what kind of walk it is going to be.  And let me tell you friends, sometimes within the first few minutes I think to myself:

"Chris, you love her...Just keep going and don't turn around."

I know a random thought to have as you head out on a walk with your wife, but here is the thing.  When I go out on a walk  I like to stroll around, take in the view, look at the homes, have a conversation, hold hands, see the trees turning and dropping leaves.  Feeling the cool fall air.  I guess to sum it up, I like to walk for PLEASURE.

My wife is a different story.  Much different.

You see, like I said, within the first few minutes, I know exactly what kind of walk it is going to be for her.  If she has a long stressful day, has not run that week, or we have not walked for a period of time, those arms of hers start building momentum.  They start pumping and she gets that pace moving....and for a guy who likes to walk for PLEASURE, I can tell when someone, that someone being my wife, is walking for a different reason.  That reason being PURPOSE.  She is walking to get that heart rate up, to melt that stress way, to have some sort of exercise in her life so she can feel good and healthy.

There you have it.  Pleasure vs. Purpose. 

This has become a very big theme in our relationship.  I am finding my way of thinking is much more laid back, more jokey, more sarcastic, more living on the pleasure side of life.  My wife usually has an agenda, has a plan, has the course plotted out...all for purpose in life. 

Aren't we a pair?

I guess God has us in one another's lives for a reason.  For me to see that it can be good to have a plan, that it is good to do things for purpose to enrich your life and others around you.  And for her (hopefully) to see that there is a time to stop and just enjoy.

If we can remember these lessons we see in one another, we have a great future ahead of ourselves. Especially if we can slow down when those arms of hers gets a-swingin.


Christopher Scott<><

Selfishness Revealed....

People always say, you never realize all your flaws until you're married.  I've heard it a bunch of times, nodded my head in unknowing agreement, and chalked it up to...some day I'll understand.  I'm afraid to say, I think that day is here.  The following is the story of my own selfishness:

So, my husband got a job!  I'm supposed to be excited about this, right?  I am excited.  I am excited that he has the opportunity to get out of the house.  I am excited that he will be able to make a some extra money.  I am excited that he will feel useful to our household.  I am not excited that he will be working hours that take him away from our time together.  And that his job is a 45 minute drive.  Yuck!  He doesn't mind, but I mind for him.  I mind for his safety, and I mind because of the amount of gas it is going to take for him to get to this job.  I'm trying to be a good sport! 

Due to the amount of driving he has to do, I told him that I think he should drive my vehicle instead of his.  It is a safer car and it gets better gas mileage than his little Mazda truck with 200,000+ miles on it.  While discussing this situation, we both went back and forth on the issue.  He continued to say to me, "no Kari, I'm not going to take your car" and I found myself hesitating.  Hesitating because deep inside me, I didn't want to drive his truck.  There was a part of me that felt like I "deserved" to drive my car instead of his.  Eventually, I declared that no, he would drive my car.  Having a safe husband and saving some extra cash is definitely worth driving the Mazda.

Through this experience, however, my selfishness was revealed.  Something within me felt that I had worked hard to purchase my car a couple of years back and the thought of giving that up was hard for me.  I'm glad to say that I did come around, but I can't say that I'm excited to venture to the dark garage at 7:15 am to leave for work with no garage door opening only to fumble my way to his truck to open the door and still have no light (the interior lights don't work), and start the truck while searching my way through the garbage strewn about the vehicle.  Ahhhhhh, the joys of my husband's truck.  But, you'll all be glad to know, since that first day, he has kindly cleaned and vacuumed his truck for me. It is pristine.  I am learning to let go of my selfishness and think about "us" instead of "me."  But, it's hard.

Well, Do something!

Kari and I do a lot of things together, well, most things together.  One of the more important things we do is attend church together.  Well, since I moved I have been attending the church Kari grew up in.  It is a great church which I have felt very welcomed into.   I have been given a lot of opportunities and have enjoyed my time there.  Since I have worked in churches for the last 10 years I guess I have developed some pretty strong opinions on what how to "do church well". And I guess I have been voicing those strong opinions to my wife since I have been noticing things in her/my church that have made me laugh, raise my eyebrows, and even made me ask "Seriously, Kari, did that just happen?" "Seriously?"  One of my most noticeable things has been every time we stand and sit as a congregation there is a very loud, and when i say loud i mean just that. Loud. Squeak of the wooden pews.  The first time I heard it i literally laughed and looked around to see who else noticed it, But i was all by myself smiling at the Loud noise.

Just this past Sunday though as I was watching how the tech stuff was being run, I leaned over and said "This is all wrong. It looks so unprofessional, and the program they are using is not being used the way it should."

And that is when it happened.  I said those oh so simple words to my wife.  When I said it I think I was looking for a just as simple remark back.  you know something along these lines

"Oh Honey, You are a such a manly tech guy, of course you know how to do it better"
"You are so right, have I told you you how handsome you are today"
"Have I told you that you can run that program better than anyone, my perfect husband"

you know something like that.  But i got nothing like those agreeable statements.  I got something that I suppose I will call a "I am not going to cater to your non-sense spousal statement"  This is what she said to me "Well, why dont you do something about it than!" Hmmm. Well, the truth of it is my wife was right. Again. I should not complain about something when I am capable of doing something about it now.

Even though My wife said something to get me to do something instead of just allowing me to complain I guess I need to thank her. Again.  Because these are the types of things that not only make me into a better person but allows me to help and serve and let the things I have learned help others out.  All great things instead of the week in and week out whining and complain about things.

IS this not what marriage is truly about. Helping the other person not just complain, but to help them to use their talents and thoughts for the positive instead of living in the negative side.  So Sometime this week I am going to the church to try and "help" with what has bothered me.

Maybe next time though I will get to hear something like:
"Oh you complain so cute! Have I told you that you are my dream boat hunk!"
One can only dream!