We're back....

While sitting on the couch watching the Olympic trials, I said to Chris, "I should blog." In a shocked tone he replied, "You're going to write a blog?" What can I say?  As we tried together to remember how to log into this blog we created two years ago, we finally saw our blog and were reminded that it had been seven months since either one of us have blogged.  Why you may ask....well, I guess we've had an eventful 7 months.  Everyone told us, "your lives will be changed forever," and we knew that, but I'm not sure either one of us were prepared for how our lives would be forever different.  Can anyone be prepared?  (Sorry! This next portion got out of control in length.  I apologize.  If you want the short version....we had a baby girl!)

On December 21st, Chris and I woke up just like any other day, but I was disappointed.  I was 4 days overdue with our first child.  I had worked on Monday, December 19, but then went in for a non-stress test because it seemed that the  baby wasn't moving as much as she had been.  I had high blood pressure and was overdue, so my doctor said - "you need to wrap up work."  There were only two days left until Christmas break, but I begrudgingly agreed.  Chris and my mom had been telling me that I needed to be done for a few days already.  I had an awesome pregnancy and continued to feel well right up until the end.  Chris and I had diligently been going on walks after I had taught all day long in an attempt to prod this little one out - before Christmas came.  I finally gave into them...and the doctor.  But, what's a girl to do but just sit around and wait for the baby to come?  I was determined that wasn't a great idea either.  I needed to keep moving or this baby was never going to come.  I spent my time baking - 'tis the season. 

I had an appointment with Dr. Ivey on Wednesday afternoon (Dec. 21st).  Chris was working all day, so I went by myself.  Nothing had changed since my previous appointment.  I was 1-2 cm dilated and 90% effaced.  I was progressing, but I wanted her to tell me that I was in labor! :)  I had been having contractions since Monday - nothing major, just a few here and there.  Dr. Ivey striped my membranes and sent me on my way.  I remember stopping at Walgreens on the way home and thinking to myself, "yeah, I think I'm having contractions...but will they end up being anything?"  Chris got home from work and we ate dinner seemingly like every other night for the last year and a half.  As we finished up dinner I looked at Chris and said, "maybe we should start timing these contractions."  He was enthralled in something on TV and didn't really register what I said.  So I stopped him and repeated myself.  He got all excited and said, "really, you think we should time them...ok!"  He was pretty pumped about this task as he had downloaded an app on his iPhone months prior to keep track of my contractions during labor.  He pulled up his app and we started the process at roughly 6:30 pm.  After timing them for about 60 minutes, we determined they were about 5 minutes apart, and we took a break from timing.  We chatted and watched some TV knowing that we were in this for the long haul!  A while later they seemed to be coming more quickly, so we decided to time them again.  This time, we didn't time them as long but they were between 3-5 minutes apart.  Dr. Ivey had told us to come in when contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, but I was convinced I wanted to labor at home as long as possible, so I convinced Chris that we should close our eyes and try to get some rest.  At 9:30, I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes.  The contractions were getting closer and more intense.  Shortly after I had a terrible contraction, I heard a "pop" sound.  Then a warm trickle started down my leg.  I looked at Chris and said, "I think my water just broke."

"What? Are you serious? What should we do?"

"Well, why don't you get me a towel, and then we can call Dr. Ivey." As I went to the bathroom Chris called the doctor, who wanted nothing to do with talking to him, but wanted to talk to me.  She advised us to start getting packed up and head in to the hospital.  Well, me, being me, everything was already packed (and had been for weeks).  So, we called my mom to tell her we were headed in and jumped in the car.  I remember thinking, "Are we going to the hospital too early?  How much longer is this labor going to be?" Ultimately we were both excited to be meeting our baby - would it be a girl or a boy?  What would he/she look like?  Chris then started making a few calls to close family and friends to let them know we were in labor and it was at that point that I thought, "ok, we are headed to the hospital at the right time."  You see, a few months back my friend, Heather (mother of four), shared that it would be time to go to the hospital when Chris was no longer funny.  And, I was thoroughly irritated by the fact that he was talking to people on the way to the hospital.  You see, once my water broke, the contractions started coming more and more quickly and were more and more intense.  I wanted his full attention on me and the fact that I was in pain, not calling people to let them know of our status.  (Looking back, I can acknowledge that those WERE important phone calls at the time, but being a women in labor, all rationality had escaped me.)

We arrived at the hospital to register around 10 pm.  Luckily, the woman at registration realized that I was in quite a bit of pain and said, "why don't you head down to OB and we will take care of this later."  Perfect!  You gotta love small hospitals!  On our short walk to OB, we had to stop for contractions 3 times.  At this point, I knew things were progressing (or should I say, I hoped they were!)  The nurses in OB were very welcoming as I announced that we were there to make their night more interesting.  And we did just that.  The nurse checked me to share that I was three cm dilated which was NOT what I wanted to hear!  I was hoping for 5...wishful thinking.  They attempted to "find" my contractions on the monitor to know avail.  I tried hard to be pleasant, but the thoughts going through my mind were less than pleasant.  I didn't understand why they needed a monitor to tell them that I was having contractions when CLEARLY they were coming strong and consistently.  They then tried to start my IV, which also irritated me because lying in bed was the LAST place I wanted to be.  They were unable to find my veins after a couple of pokes and eventually decided I could get up for a while and they'd try later. 

Chris and I walked up and down the hallways, stopping for each contraction.  I would put my arms around his neck and "hang on him" as I breathed and worked through each contraction.  Poor guy!  Eventually we tried the tub and that seemed to help for a while.  The next time the nurse checked me it was around midnight and she announce that I was 8 cm dilated.  I was thrilled with that progress knowing that it wouldn't be much longer.  The nurses got a bit concerned though and started transforming the room into a delivery room while they called Dr. Ivey again.  Chris and I continued our walking adventure - although our walking was slower and the contractions were longer.  Dr. Ivey arrived (after being pulled over by the City of Charlevoix police for speeding) and checked me only to say I was NOT 8 cm dilated, but rather 6.  I wanted to scream!  To a woman in labor, you do not want to go backwards.  I knew I most likely hadn't, but rather the nurse miscalculated.  At that point the nurses wanted to put in an IV again.  I remained more irritated that I was made to lie in bed and poked like a pin cushion.  I ended up with many bruises to prove my poor fate, but eventually they did get their IV saline lock in (just in case). 

Chris and I went back to our walking and stopping by to visit my mom and brother, Rob, in the waiting room occasionally.  We went back into the tub for a second time and while in there I said, "I have to push!"  Dr. Ivey encouraged me to get out of the tub and as they got the bed ready, the contractions continued to force my body to push as well.  At about 2:30 am she checked me again and determined that we could start pushing.  Somewhere around 2:40 I began pushing and shortly after found my groove.  I remember Dr. Ivey explaining that on the next push we were going to deliver the babies head, then we would take a break for her to suction out the babies mouth and nose and then deliver the rest of the baby.  I knew it was going to take a good push to get the head out, so I gave it all I had.  And then came a slippery gush...oops!  I knew at that point the baby was out! I heard her cry and Dr. Ivey say, "daddy, what is it?" Chris says, "ugh, I don't know, I can't see." And then finally, "it's a girl" as she was laid on my chest.  Nothing in this world can describe that moment.  This little girl that we had prayed and prepared for was finally here!  We were so excited.  After some mom snuggles, daddy got his time in and grandma too.  She was perfect! 7 lbs 11 oz, 20 3/4 inches long and born at 3:12 am.  We were pretty proud parents. 

And that is the REALLY LONG version of why I haven't blogged in seven months.  Those seven months have been full of the most joy and love anyone can imagine.  Not much sleep, lots of poopy diapers, even more feeding, but so much more joy and love.  Who knew someone could be so cute at 11pm, 1am, 3am, and 5am???  The way she moves, discovers things, the noises she makes, and her smiles melt our hearts.  We love you Quinn Annabelle!

What you all have been waiting for...A non-sarcastic post.

I started to process something a few months back.

My bride and I were doing a nightly devotional reading and we read one about the way your partner sees you.  Now there is a thought. How does Kari "see" me?

-as a mechanical, manly genius?
-as a balding, middle-aged man?
-as a sarcastic, witty guy...that one is a given.
-as a Godly, in love with Jesus guy?
-as a fire-building, Carhart-wearing outdoors-man?

Just how does she view me?  And more importantly, what image am I giving her and living out in front of her?
The question that came to me is this..

Am I being the man I want to be? The man my wife needs me to be? The man God has called me to be?

-am I good man?
-am I a trusting man?
-am I a praying man?
-am I a hardworking man?
-am I a brave man?
-am I a loving man?
-am I a caring man?
-am I a courageous man?
-am I a fair man?

These are the things I desire to be, the things I hope to be to my wife, and to my future child.  The man I want to be is a man that is all of those things.  I know I am not perfect, but my goal is that man.

Chill Kinda Day

I got pretty dang excited last night.

EXCITED.

And it all started with a simple beautiful little phrase out of my brides mouth.  She looked across the room at me with her stunning gaze, smiled and said, "why don't we have a chill day tomorrow?"

I know it may not sound all that wonderful, but for those of you who know my wife know that a day to just stop and chill does not happen to often.  She is a gal that always has a list and is always trying to cross things off.  She does not stop very well.  I even have to make her promise me these days to take a nap when I go to work.  I gently remind her she is pregnant and how good it is for her. Other than those days it seems to be a steady pace with her.

So, for her to say "let's have a chill day" made my heart leap.

my mind flooded quickly with things like...

we could rent movies and stay in our pajamas all day.
we could build a love nest and snuggle on the floor while we do that
we could make snacks and not have a real meal all day
we could nap 3 times with no guilt
we could read
we could talk to our baby
we could re-energize

ahhh now that is a great chill day....I am ready for it; GREAT IDEA WIFEY!

But than she spoke her next sentence..
"we could vacuum and dust the upstairs, you could get the dimmer switch in, we could go to the garden and get the potatoes out and clean out all the plants that are done, and we can end the day battling the blackberry prickers getting the fruit God obviously never wanted us to get."

Yup.  Her idea of chill is way different from mine. Different.

Here is to having a chill kinda day.  The married way.

Maybe next time I will have to suggest the love nest chill kinda day.

CSM<><

I am worth $1.50

I am finding sometimes TRUE change is hard. Very hard.

This past week my beautifully pregnant wife has been getting ready for a garage sale.  Which is a very normal thing for a couple to do.  When they have a bunch of stuff they have collected over the years together that they just do not need anymore.  They put them in their garage and sell their stuff.

A few questions should arrive in your mind at this point. Two actually.

1. They have only been married for a year, how much stuff could they have possibly collected?

2. Chris, where has all your stuff that "did not make the cut" get put?

The answer to both of these questions is we have had a lot of my stuff lovingly packed in boxes in our garage, and it is now spread out on tables with price tags slapped on them.

When I got home from work the other day I walked through the garage looking at all my stuff trying to convince my wife why we should not get rid of it.  It was like the day had finally come when I had to get rid of all that stuff I had when I was a bachelor.  It was one thing to "change" when all my stuff was still near packed into boxes, but it is another thing to see price tags on all of it.

Yesterday turned into me trying to convince her why...and her trying to convince me why not!

She said "Chris, think of all the money we will have earned from this!" I looked down at all of my things with $0.10 and $0.25 markings on them.  I said what? We will make a buck fifty of this stuff!  And that is when it hit me  My old life was worth $1.50.

Truth.

My life now is invaluable.  There is no way I could ever put a price on my life, my wife, my baby.  The way I feel when I am home having a conversation, eating, sharing, caring for one another.  It makes me look at all of that old stuff and makes me think how easy it is to put value on it. Even if it is only $1.50.

Between you and me though I may or may not have rescued a few things when her back was turned.  That is our little secret though!

CSM<><

Moments

Do you ever have those brief moments where all the haziness of life diffuses out and for a brief moment all makes sense and is clear?  I just had one. Right now. So many thoughts in one brief moment.

Here is my little moment:

I woke up from a nap, which was lovely.  I looked across at my sleeping wife enjoying her own afternoon nap.   As I stared at her (In a completely non creeperish way) it hit me.

I married this women.  What a moment.
She is having my baby. What a moment.
We are going to be parents. What a moment.
We get to raise our child together. What a moment.
My heart bursts with love and anticipation. What a moment.
We can and will do this. Together. What a moment.
There is no one else I would rather have at my side. What a moment.

All that hit me in that one brief moment of seeing my bride sleeping.  Good thing she did not catch me.  Maybe I will tell her about it when she wakes up.  But as she sleeps, you all get to read it first.

CSM

The thoughts of a teacher in the summer...

It has been far too long since I have written.  I suppose I could tell you a million reasons why life has been too busy for me to blog, but all of that would be excuses.  The honest truth is that I never really know what to write about.  This has given me a new appreciation for those wide eyed first and second graders that look at me when I ask them to write on a daily basis with a frustrated look on their faces and say, "Mrs. Maki, I don't know what to write about."  In reality, there are a million things I can and should be writing about.  However, I'm a bit intimidated by the husbands humor and the fact that my posts never end up that way.  I guess I need to learn to be okay with that.  My posts just have a different flare. 

I have to admit that my thoughts as of late have had to do with mostly one topic, BABY!  That's right, at eighteen weeks into this pregnancy, the baby is consuming almost all of my thoughts and energy.  The projects on my to-do list are either directly or indirectly related to the baby coming.  Yes, completing the nursery is on the list, but so is finishing that t-shirt quilt I promised my husband last summer because, "if I don't do it now, I won't do it with a newborn infant." 

I've learned that everyone asks pregnant woman, "how are you feeling."  I do it too, so I shouldn't be surprised, but the reality is that as a pregnant woman, you kind of get sick of answering this question.  I'm sure that things will change as the pregnancy goes on.  But, right now, I will just embrace the fact that I have been feeling awesome!  The nausea is gone from the first trimester.  The totally huge, baby taking over my body feeling of the third trimester has not occurred yet.  I'm just enjoying the second trimester.  The joy and awe of a 5.6 inch baby with fingernails and organs growing inside of me is overwhelming. 

There have been a couple of times when I've wondered if I'm feeling the baby move, but I'm not really sure.  The placenta is also on the anterior wall of the uterus, so my doctor told me that I may feel movement later than most.  Next week I go back to the doctor for my check up, and we have our "anatomy ultra sound" scheduled at the hospital for the second week in August.  We are not going to find out sex of the baby, as we are very excited for the surprise at delivery, but are still excited to see the baby again and hopefully learn that all is well in its development. 

I've been reading, reading, reading, and learning lots about pregnancy, delivery, and infant care.  I have to admit that I was pretty geeked to get our first package of cloth diapers that we ordered.  Ask me about them after changing and washing them for a year and I may feel differently, but as for now, I'm excited about our decision.  Now, I'm just waiting for our bedding to arrive.  It was back-ordered, so I'll be waiting for a while.  Really, I can relate the waiting and preparation for a baby to that of the waiting and preparation for our wedding.  While it seems you are ready and can hardly wait, you're never quite prepared for all that's in store.  I guess I'll find out in December.  The good news is that all the waiting and preparation for our wedding/marriage was totally worth it, and I couldn't be more thankful for the outcome.  The most exciting part of all of this is that I've been able to share both of these times of waiting with Chris.  It truly does make the waiting so much better to be able to share it with someone you love and to view the same situation from each others different perspectives.  I am so excited to see him as a dad.  I know he's going to be a great one!

So, there is a window into my heart and mind lately.  The reality is, we all have lots to share, but we sometimes don't know how to put a title on it or put it into story form.  We have to start somewhere...that's what drafting is all about!  I have so much to share with those second graders in a few weeks!

My Future.

I saw my future today.

I was walking in the the grocery store picking up a few things and I saw this old couple.  The man was pushing the cart.  That's what I do.

The women was carrying the list, checking things off, and pointing at where to go next. That's what she does.

There were bring your own, be green, and love your earth bags in the cart. That's what we do.

The man was wearing a polo looking like a stud.  Just like me

The women was wearing stylish trendy fun clothes. Just like her.

They than entered the check out line with me behind them. And yes I know this seems stalkerish, but it was mind boggling as I watched them.

He pushed the cart in with his wife in front as he stood back looking at the magazines and candy.  Just like me.

She unloaded the grocery in neat little piles or organization.  Just like she does.

They then paid and walked away.

I took care of my bill and walked outside and to my pleasant surprise they were right there.

He was there staring at her looking bored/confused/with a wondering gaze.  Just like I do.

She was examining every line of the receipt making sure is was not one cent off. Just like she does.

He than pushed the cart away, this time forever.  But I need to admit, I wanted to chase down the old man and give him a giant hug and just say "I understand, I get ya! I feel ya.  You are my future, I am living your life old man!"  I didn't do any of that though.  I just smiled and felt content in my future. One I gladly embrace.

CSM

our eyes.

I think I am blind.  If not blind, I for sure do not see all that well sometimes.  Just ask my wife, she will tell you the same thing.  My blindness comes in interesting forms though.

-I don't always see a pair of socks I took off and left on the floor

-I don't always see the "to do" list left for me on the counter (but I will set my coffee cup right on top of it)

-I do not always see the dust in the windows

-I do not always see the bed needing to be made

-I do not always see when the laundry needs to be taken down out of the bathroom

-I do not always see the bath mat left on the floor after a shower

-I do not always see the EXACT moment the lawn needs to be mowed.

Blindness. 

I have it.

You know who does see everyone of these things?  You got it. My wife. She sees. Well. Very well.

The truth of the matter is, I have felt a little guilty about this.  I have tried to work hard to see these things a little better. But, the guilt has left. Yes, you read that right the GUILT HAS LEFT!  And it happened just the other day....

So, I finally received real TV.  It has been something I have been working towards since I have been married over a year ago. And we finally just got DISH network.  Needless to say I was pretty excited to come home and check out my new prize. When I walked through the door from work I rushed to check it out.  My lovely wife was sitting in the living room (with the new DISH on). What would you think she had on with the vast new world of channels? She had on her normal free local news. BORING.  The thing is even that was alright. why? HD. That is right, the local channel in HD. I looked at her and said do you see that clarity of the HD? Her response....I can't tell. I can't see.

WHAT?

Guilt left me right in that moment. Gone. Just like that. OK, maybe I can not see some things, but you my lovely bride can not see the awesomeness of that HD.  Even.  That is what we are. Completely even.

Here is what I have learned in the last day.  We all see things differently and I am OK with that.  

I am a Know. It. All.

If you have kids you may not want to read on: You have been warned. Take nothing personally.

Here is the thing.  I have worked with kids for the past 11 years.  In those 11 years I have become what you may call...a- Know. It. All.  I have prided myself on learning the talk, learning how to reason, learning what kids like and don't like (even when it comes to how they are parented), I have read the books,  planned and sat through the seminars.  And through it all I have watched.  I have watched how kids have been parented, how they are punished, (or not punished in some cases). In all of my watching over these years I always have asked myself the question "what would I do with my kids in that situation?" so I have developed "all of the answers" in the past 11 years.

I have found that my wife also is a little bit of a Know. It. All.  She too has worked with little kids for the past 10 years.  In her time as a teacher she too has worked hard on her path of becoming a professional in understanding kids, parents, and how they work.  She has gone on to even become a specialist in education to fully understand kids and how they work and function.  In her time as a teacher she to has watched. Yes, watched. In her watching she too has seen how parents behave, how kids respond to certain things and has asked herself the same question as she has watched in the past 10 years "What would I do in that situation as a parent?"

Because both of us have watched so much we now sit back and openly discuss parenting techniques as they happen before our very eyes.  One of us will say...did you see that? Or did you hear that? And we than give the "right answer of how we would have handled that situation. It has made us into Know. It. Alls.

Even as we were on vacation this past week we watched how people parented from France, Mexico, England, and even some places we did not know the language. So, we became international Know. It. Alls.
We had all the answers, we knew exactly how to handle each situation.

We keep coming up with the same conclusion. We are going to be AWESOME parents. AWESOME.
Just ask us.

Here is the irony of all of this.  We don't have a kid. We have one on the way, but we really don't have one.  We truly have no idea of what parenting is going to be like, we have no idea of how our child is going to behave.  We have no clue of how we really will act in each of those situations.  We are rookies.

Being a Know. It. All. is going to do nothing for us because the truth is we know nothing. Nothing.  I hope that as we learn to be parents just a little bit of what we have learned in the past years will be applicable, but it is just like God to toss us a curve ball and allow us the gift of relearning everything we thought we knew.

So, I guess I need to apologize to all you parents out there that have been watched by me.  The answers may not be as simple as I once thought. I hope that when you watch me with my kids you are giving me a little grin knowing that I am a recovering Know. It. All.

CSM<><

Life

Today I had a great day.  I was outside.  I finished up a little fire pit project, I mowed our lawn, I tilled the garden.  And being outside by myself I had time to think today.  What was I thinking about?  A great question. My answer.  One simple word that has so much new meaning to me.

Life.

My beautiful bride and I have have stepped into a brand new view of that word ever since we found out we were pregnant.  I have been through a lot of stages of meaning with that simple little word.

First, life was my own.  I was in charge. My desires. My wants. My schedule.

Once I said "I do" the word  life took on a whole different meaning.  I learned that my previous view on that word was very selfish, very one sided and made me the center of my own universe.  Marriage has helped me realize many things, but one of the greatest is that "life" is a shared thing.  That I need to consider her before myself, that I need to think about: Her desires. Her wants. Her schedule.  The word life and what it looks like as a shared thing has given it so much more depth and meaning to me.

Now we have created life.  I see why God has put these things in order the way he has because our marriage and my realizations on life, shared life, has helped prepare me for the creation of life.  I hope that I can now not only put my wife before myself, but put my child before myself as well.  I want to be able to raise this baby with my wife in such a selfless giving way that the baby will experience love just by watching how I care for it.

This I know, that my definition of the word life will continue to morph as soon as this baby enters the scene in 6 months.  But I am very grateful that I continue to learn and grow in my own life.

Chris

Definitions

Here is the thing I have been noticing lately. I am 31.  I know, not that huge of a revelation, but it is all that goes into the 31. It's the definitions that I have created in the past 31 years of my life.  Those wonderful definitions of things that made up my life....

Things like:

-shopping in the grocery store for all those wonderfully tasty processed foods, hot wings, meat bi-products, (and to to mention eating out at fast food McNugget joints)
-Going home and seeing the dishes left from last night's dinner and saying to your self...that can wait another day
-doing my laundry, drying it, and leaving it in the dryer so that every time you need a pair of underwear you go to the dryer and get it out.
-Knowing that it is -20 out with wind gusts of 50 mph and knowing that there is nothing that important outside that you will ever drag you out into the storm (Continue reading for the follow-up on this one)
-Having sleep patterns where I fell asleep where I am at when I am tired, never having a "bed time" or be woken up because you might be making a little noise...

Anyway, what I am saying is these definitions that I have created had become patterns in my life.  I think we all have those definitions in our life.  We have all created them.  And we make our rules and decisions based off of them.

Here is the thing. My definitions are different from my wifes. Did I say different? Good. Because that was the exact word I wanted to use. DIFFERENT.  For us I think these definitions became more clear as we moved into one another's space. I think we expected that one another was just so "amazing" so "wonderful" so "special" so "caring" so "loving" that we would not care about one another definitions we have been living by for the entirety of our lives.

Here are situations with each of our definitions:

-I grab something out of the fridge
         Me: How quick can i get done with the item i grabbed and put back into the fridge w/o closing the door.
        Kari: Close the door even if you walk away for 2.5 seconds.


-I am watching a show and it is 9:45
         ME: Finish the show
         Kari: Off to bed

- I just finished dinner
         Me: Turn on the T.V. put my feet up and relax for the night
         Kari: Scrub the kitchen till it sparkles

-I need to heat something in the microwave
         Me: I put it in the microwave and heat it
         Kari: Put it on a microwave safe plate, cover it with wax paper so it does not get everywhere and then   put it in the microwave.


I am learning that we each have own set.  The wonderful thing that I see though is since we have been married we are creating a whole new set of definitions together.  And I am finding that as we continue to make these up together, married life is continuing to be a wonderful thing. Our definitions that we are creating as a working married couple are giving us direction and understanding of one another as a couple, not as single individuals which we no longer are.  You see those old definitions are outdated.  All that truly matter are the ones we create as we grow with one another...

Ones like:

- It is time to pour our milk for dinner
      Me: I pour both glasses----Mine full, hers 3/4 full (I just know)

-As we leave Traverse City
      Me: I pull into McDonalds (without saying a word)
      Kari: Hands me $1.06 for our annual leaving Traverse diet coke we share

-My wife is coming home from a long day
         Me: I get food ready, turn t.v off and talk about day
         Kari: Comes in and shares her heart

-I am in a "funk"
       Me: I am grouchy
       Kari: Gives me space, talks, cares for me in a loving way


- It is -20 out with wind gusts of 50 mph and knowing that there is nothing that important outside that you will ever drag you out into the storm
       Me: I go out and get whatever my wife forgot in the car
       Kari: Knows I will do whatever it takes so she does not have to get cold

You see we are learning each other.  But more importantly we are redefining all that we know. And this is what I think marriage is. New definitions.

Life is About Perspective

So, it has been too long since I've taken the time to write, and why I chose today, I'm not really sure.  I guess it was probably the push from my sister-in-law or maybe the thought I had as I was reading a friend's post on Facebook today, but regardless, after spending an entire day doing eight loads of laundry and writing papers for my class, I decided I should write some more - but in reflection as opposed to learning. 

I started my day a bit angry at the world because of my current life situation...working on college projects every spare second of my life.  I go to work, come home, eat dinner and read or write for class.  My weekends occur on a rotating basis, on Friday nights I go to class, spend the night away from my husband, and go to class all day Saturday OR I spend the day on Saturday writing and reading for class while my husband works all day.  Yes.  I'm complaining.  This is the way my morning started, and then I came to a realization as I spoke with a friend and classmate about my frustrations.  She reminded me of a friend of hers who was attending her father's funeral today.  The same woman also lost her mom six months ago.  Perspective.  My life could be worse.  Isn't it true that life is about perspective.  I can continue to sit and be mad about my life, to feel sorry for myself and the lack of time I get to spend with my husband, or I can buckle down, do my work and rejoice in the many blessings that I have. 

And the Facebook post from a friend that I mentioned earlier...another opportunity to change my perspective.  The article was all about how dating and/or courting relationships don't prepare people for what it is like to be married and how newly married couples struggle so much with the day to day existence of living together, never being able to have time for themselves or to escape a situation when they get frustrated.  This was another opportunity for me to think about perspective.  I am so thankful for my husband.  We had many talks about marriage before we entered into the covenant together, we walked in with our eyes wide open to the realities of our similarities and differences, and above all, we have always acknowledged the need for communication.  We talk.  About everything.  Don't get me wrong, there are certainly times when I ask myself how many times I have to walk by the socks he left on the floor before they are going to magically disappear, and I've also wondered why he chooses to watch episodes of the Office over and over and over again.  And I'm SURE there have been many times when he has wondered things about my decisions and actions.  But, the reality is, we are able to work through these situations.  I'm not going to pretend that at some point along our journey of marriage we won't encounter a difficult time.  We very well may, but for now, I need to keep perspective.  I am thankful for the seemingly smooth transition we have had into this new world of marriage - almost 8 months down.  :)  Yes, yes, we still have a lot to learn. 

So, when Chris got home from work this afternoon, I talked him into a snowshoe.  I had been admiring the sunshine out the window as I worked all day.  I think the fresh air also helped clear my head and improved my perspective even more.  Honestly, I have NOTHING to complain about.  My college work will be over in a matter of months, I have an awesome marriage, and countless other blessings in my life for which I am so thankful.

Today, I'm thankful for a new perspective.
~Kari

And two became one

So I have not been married too long now, but I have noticed some things change in me since I said those words "I Do".  But before I get to that I need to step back and paint a picture of the life I remember, and the person I remember before June 18th of this year.

Step back a moment with me and take a look at the man I use to be.

I guess I would have said about my past-self that I was an independent, opinionated, self-reliant kind of guy.  I would not say I was organized, but I was to that point in my life where I was living in a semi-clean home, doing the dishes, regularly (Notice I said regularly not nightly) I cleaned my toilet, my sink, my clothes, vacuumed  also on a regular basis.  When I lost my car keys I would look and find my own car keys.  Before I would go out I would open my closet and pick out my mismatched pieced together wardrobe that I though looked good. Yes, thought.

Oh my how things have changed for this man.

That independent, opinionated, self-reliant man has taken a step back these days.  So, now listen to the kind of man I have become... and becoming.

I now do the dishes each night, as soon as dinner is done.  My home is no longer semi clean, but a beautiful clean home where I even recognize when things are out of order and out of place.  But the best part is when I loose something I no longer go look for it my first words are "Kari have you seen_______"?  Before I even look.  It is like I am no longer capable of looking myself.  My favorite one that pushed our relationship into a new whole level of lost independence just happened.  I came home the other day ready to go out to a party and I asked my beautiful bride "What am I wearing tonight?" (Like I am no longer capable of picking it out) And her response: "I have already picked them out and laid them on the bed for you"  And it hit me right there...I no longer have to think in this marriage.  The man I once was has officially been dissolved. Completely.

This is not a bad thing though.  Scripture tells us that TWO will become ONE.  And I think this is a very true statement.  In ways that go far beyond the obvious.  You see I think I am no longer that person because I want to try as hard as I can to be a better man for my wife.  One that is not independent, but DEPENDS on her. Not opinionated but stops to LISTEN to her thoughts and feelings. Not self-reliant but one who puts her NEEDS above my own. And somehow, through the mysteries of God become ONE working unit, not two.  And if that means I no longer have to think about what I wear.  So be it.

Who knew I was sick?

I am the kind of guy who has a pretty simple view on doctors.  What I mean is I have always had a doctor. Ok, let me re-phrase that-I have always had one doctor. One.  When I get sick or have a cold, I call that doctor up, and make an appointment.  That doctor is also the one who has always given advice and done the tests for my diabetes.  When I had a pain, no matter where it was, I went to that doctor. If I had a rash, that doctor would take care of it (not that I have had many rashes). If I had a migraine, that doctor took care of it.  It was a very simple equation. Something is wrong= go to my primary care doctor.

My wife has a different system.  Very different.  Oh I know what you are thinking, how can anyone have that different of a system that it is worth blogging about.  Well, let me tell you...

Since I have been married, my doctor-patient relationship has become close to a full time job.  Here is my new list of appointments since I have been married.

-Primary care doctor
-Skin Doctor-(you know, to look at my skin)
-Chiropractor (at first every week, now every other for migraines and back alignment)
-Massage therapist for migraines (referred by Chiropractor)
-Eye Doctor
-Foot doctor (which I have been to - believe it or not - 5 times since I have been married)
-Endocrinologist (for all my diabetic needs)
-Dentist (I like this one and I guess I had one of these too)
-Dietitian (not scheduled yet, I am guessing after my diabetic doctor)
-Therapist (I don't have one of these but I am thinking about scheduling one myself to talk to them about all my doctors)

Anyway, I hope you can see what I mean when I say my wife has a different "system" than I had.   It is funny because I never knew that I was this messed up, that I was this sick, that I had this many problems going on in my body.

As I think about this new system I am living in I can't help but to think of how it parallels our marriage.  Not the obvious "we are different and do things differently" parallel.  But about how when I was single I thought I had a pretty good life, that I thought it was full and rich, and I was healthy and doing well.  But the truth of it is, there were things going on that I was not noticing.  And now that I am married and am taking care of myself with lots of doctors-lots of doctors-I am finding I actually was missing so much.  My life has become so much more full, and so much more rich, and so much more healthy all because of my wonderful bride.

So since I have been married, I have learned that I was not really as well as I had thought.  I was seriously a sick guy without my wife.  Not only because I had an inadequate number of doctors but because I was missing my life partner.

Finding Purpose

One of my more favorite things to do with my wife is to go on walks.  We started off really good, going several times a week, but our walks have been getting less and less.  When we do go out, I can tell right from the beginning what kind of walk it is going to be.  And let me tell you friends, sometimes within the first few minutes I think to myself:

"Chris, you love her...Just keep going and don't turn around."

I know a random thought to have as you head out on a walk with your wife, but here is the thing.  When I go out on a walk  I like to stroll around, take in the view, look at the homes, have a conversation, hold hands, see the trees turning and dropping leaves.  Feeling the cool fall air.  I guess to sum it up, I like to walk for PLEASURE.

My wife is a different story.  Much different.

You see, like I said, within the first few minutes, I know exactly what kind of walk it is going to be for her.  If she has a long stressful day, has not run that week, or we have not walked for a period of time, those arms of hers start building momentum.  They start pumping and she gets that pace moving....and for a guy who likes to walk for PLEASURE, I can tell when someone, that someone being my wife, is walking for a different reason.  That reason being PURPOSE.  She is walking to get that heart rate up, to melt that stress way, to have some sort of exercise in her life so she can feel good and healthy.

There you have it.  Pleasure vs. Purpose. 

This has become a very big theme in our relationship.  I am finding my way of thinking is much more laid back, more jokey, more sarcastic, more living on the pleasure side of life.  My wife usually has an agenda, has a plan, has the course plotted out...all for purpose in life. 

Aren't we a pair?

I guess God has us in one another's lives for a reason.  For me to see that it can be good to have a plan, that it is good to do things for purpose to enrich your life and others around you.  And for her (hopefully) to see that there is a time to stop and just enjoy.

If we can remember these lessons we see in one another, we have a great future ahead of ourselves. Especially if we can slow down when those arms of hers gets a-swingin.


Christopher Scott<><

Selfishness Revealed....

People always say, you never realize all your flaws until you're married.  I've heard it a bunch of times, nodded my head in unknowing agreement, and chalked it up to...some day I'll understand.  I'm afraid to say, I think that day is here.  The following is the story of my own selfishness:

So, my husband got a job!  I'm supposed to be excited about this, right?  I am excited.  I am excited that he has the opportunity to get out of the house.  I am excited that he will be able to make a some extra money.  I am excited that he will feel useful to our household.  I am not excited that he will be working hours that take him away from our time together.  And that his job is a 45 minute drive.  Yuck!  He doesn't mind, but I mind for him.  I mind for his safety, and I mind because of the amount of gas it is going to take for him to get to this job.  I'm trying to be a good sport! 

Due to the amount of driving he has to do, I told him that I think he should drive my vehicle instead of his.  It is a safer car and it gets better gas mileage than his little Mazda truck with 200,000+ miles on it.  While discussing this situation, we both went back and forth on the issue.  He continued to say to me, "no Kari, I'm not going to take your car" and I found myself hesitating.  Hesitating because deep inside me, I didn't want to drive his truck.  There was a part of me that felt like I "deserved" to drive my car instead of his.  Eventually, I declared that no, he would drive my car.  Having a safe husband and saving some extra cash is definitely worth driving the Mazda.

Through this experience, however, my selfishness was revealed.  Something within me felt that I had worked hard to purchase my car a couple of years back and the thought of giving that up was hard for me.  I'm glad to say that I did come around, but I can't say that I'm excited to venture to the dark garage at 7:15 am to leave for work with no garage door opening only to fumble my way to his truck to open the door and still have no light (the interior lights don't work), and start the truck while searching my way through the garbage strewn about the vehicle.  Ahhhhhh, the joys of my husband's truck.  But, you'll all be glad to know, since that first day, he has kindly cleaned and vacuumed his truck for me. It is pristine.  I am learning to let go of my selfishness and think about "us" instead of "me."  But, it's hard.

Well, Do something!

Kari and I do a lot of things together, well, most things together.  One of the more important things we do is attend church together.  Well, since I moved I have been attending the church Kari grew up in.  It is a great church which I have felt very welcomed into.   I have been given a lot of opportunities and have enjoyed my time there.  Since I have worked in churches for the last 10 years I guess I have developed some pretty strong opinions on what how to "do church well". And I guess I have been voicing those strong opinions to my wife since I have been noticing things in her/my church that have made me laugh, raise my eyebrows, and even made me ask "Seriously, Kari, did that just happen?" "Seriously?"  One of my most noticeable things has been every time we stand and sit as a congregation there is a very loud, and when i say loud i mean just that. Loud. Squeak of the wooden pews.  The first time I heard it i literally laughed and looked around to see who else noticed it, But i was all by myself smiling at the Loud noise.

Just this past Sunday though as I was watching how the tech stuff was being run, I leaned over and said "This is all wrong. It looks so unprofessional, and the program they are using is not being used the way it should."

And that is when it happened.  I said those oh so simple words to my wife.  When I said it I think I was looking for a just as simple remark back.  you know something along these lines

"Oh Honey, You are a such a manly tech guy, of course you know how to do it better"
"You are so right, have I told you you how handsome you are today"
"Have I told you that you can run that program better than anyone, my perfect husband"

you know something like that.  But i got nothing like those agreeable statements.  I got something that I suppose I will call a "I am not going to cater to your non-sense spousal statement"  This is what she said to me "Well, why dont you do something about it than!" Hmmm. Well, the truth of it is my wife was right. Again. I should not complain about something when I am capable of doing something about it now.

Even though My wife said something to get me to do something instead of just allowing me to complain I guess I need to thank her. Again.  Because these are the types of things that not only make me into a better person but allows me to help and serve and let the things I have learned help others out.  All great things instead of the week in and week out whining and complain about things.

IS this not what marriage is truly about. Helping the other person not just complain, but to help them to use their talents and thoughts for the positive instead of living in the negative side.  So Sometime this week I am going to the church to try and "help" with what has bothered me.

Maybe next time though I will get to hear something like:
"Oh you complain so cute! Have I told you that you are my dream boat hunk!"
One can only dream!

life before and after

So today I was on the phone with my old pastor talking about him and his wife coming to visit Kari and I.  As we were on the phone he asked me an interesting question.  He said "Do we need to bring our bedding or anything?" I chuckled and just said "No way, maybe if you were visiting my when I was a bachelor you would not only have to bring your own bedding but a plate and silverware to eat with but not now."

 Later as I processed through what i thought was a joke. Thought. I realized that it really was not a joke.  To my own personal dismay the life I use to live was very different from where I am right now. I once thought I was a well adapted, clean, owner of nice stuff, had everything I needed, could entertain, could make a home; BUT the truth of the matter is nothing of that was close to the way I live today.  My wife has an amazing gift for truly making a home a home.  I lived in ignorant bliss, very ignorant bliss. I had no idea what possibilities were really out there to welcome friends into a home and make them feel comfortable.  All i could offer them was fast internet and a good television show. (which by the way is pretty important) But it is not what makes people feel welcomed and comfortable.

So, I guess I need to take a moment to say I am better off now than I was before.  Better off because I have a loving and caring wife who has helped in making a home for me and with me.  A home where people no longer have to bring there own dinner plates and bedding to come visit me.  A home where we can be proud to have people over at any time or any point.  A home where we have gotten enough towels so all our guests can shower not just 4 of them (Since that is all the towels i had) Not a home where when a car pulls in the driveway you have to quickly pick up your underwear off the middle of the living room floor and toss them in your bedroom and close the door. (No I don't have any clue why there were underwear in my living room, it is just where i decided to drop them)

This is a good life. good. And once again, i need to stop and thank my wife.  Thanks for giving me more dishes than I know what to do with, for the fruit bowls I never thought I would use, for the water goblets that bring elegance to a meal for our friends, for giving my underwear a home, for having enough towels so our guests can ALL shower, not just a few of them, for having beautiful rooms and beds and sheets for our guests, for decorating with pictures and art to make this a home, for having the heart you do to make it all happen. Thanks.

I just now hope one day I can make people feel comfortable with tv and internet too. (I still think that is pretty important too) I guess some things will never change.

Christopher Scott<><

Through Your Eyes

The longer I'm married, the more I realize the differences between men and women.  Okay, okay, it's only been 3 1/2 months, but I still have new insights.  :)  Maybe I should say, the differences between Chris and I, versus men and women.  Generalizing all women by my own thoughts and all men by Chris' thoughts may not be fair, but regardless, it's interesting how we see different things in the same setting.

Have you ever noticed how important getting clear television channels is to men?  I've lived (what I considered to be a great life) for the last eight years without cable or satellite T.V.  So, yes, I get three or four channels, but who needs more?  I can watch Oprah, the Today Show, and the Biggest Loser.  I'm not a big T.V. watching; my life is complete.  Well, it is football season, in case you weren't sure, and my poor husband is having a rough time with our T.V. selection.  Frustrated is an understatement when the poor guy is trying to watch a football game on Sunday afternoon, Survivor on Wednesday night, or the Amazing Race and the channel through our digital converter box gets lines across it and the sound starts to sound like chipmunks with hiccups.  I cringe as he covers his face in frustration knowing that he is screaming internally and would really like to externally.  He went as far as to consider placing a ladder on the uneven roof (with me holding the bottom) to try to get up to the antennae so that he could try to change the direction of the antennae in order to watch the game. 

So, you may be thinking, that's not a big deal!  Watch the shows and games you want to watch online.  Well....that would work, but the same is true of our internet service.  Chris spent the extra money during the last few years to get 20GB of speed from his wireless internet provider in the Wisconsin.  It was awesome.  He watched T.V., movies, videos, and surfed the net with no problems at all.  Well, now that we are living here in Michigan, we are getting a great deal from a local internet provider, but let's just say, the speed isn't 20GB. In fact, my patient husband has taken to running speed tests throughout the day (as a form of entertainment perhaps?) and consistently gets .4-.8 GB of speed.  Please notice the decimal point before those numbers.  Needless to say, downloading even a You Tube video takes forever and you are interrupted a bunch of times watching the video in 15 second increments. 

Now here's what is so intriguing to me....I have lived like this for the last eight years and thought NOTHING of it.  But, during the last five weeks, I've thought about it a lot.  In fact, I'm feeling a bit inferior...our service isn't good enough.  It's interesting to consider our home through Chris' eyes when all I notice is whether the bed has been made or not!  :)

~Kari

Full Circle

I never realized how dirty of a guy I am.  Maybe I have lived all of these years in deniable bliss, but i remember the first time i thought this with my new wife.  (Now I am ghoing to admit something here, please don't judge....even though I say this I know you are still going to, Just know this will come "full circle" at the end.) 
Anyways, Kari had something wrong with her feet a long time ago and I said to her "why don't you pee on it"  Her response was very unforgiving "GROSS!" I said "Why is that gross the sterile will help clean it, I do it when I have a problem." her response confined my true dirtiness "NO!, YOU DO NOT! Tell me you don't!" All I could do is confirm the truth. And that truth confirmed what a gross dirty man I was.

It does not stop here though. Sadly.

I also have learned all kinds of other things proving how dirty I truly am; I would like to share with you all of the things that I have learned in the months of my marriage.  My hope in sharing is that those of you who do not have wives that are as honest with you, who do not communicate these things, know they are watching.
 Ready for the list to show how disgusting you are.
 -When cooking ALWAYS wash your hands before starting
-When you are cooking if you touch one food ALWAYS wash your hands before you touch another food
 -No matter where you are at it is unacceptable to NOT wash your hands after you pee
-If your sheets are not washed once every week or two(TOPS) you are sleeping in filth
 -Dusting is a bi-weekly project
 -showering daily. taking a few days off leaves you greasy and well, disgusting. Disgusting.
-Mop more than twice a year

These are some of the things I have learned not to do in my new life with my wife. Because they all make me: Dirty. Disgusting. Yeah I am sure many of you have other words too.  Know this though, I am a changed man, i think I washed my hands 15 times alone today.  I am a different man now, I am trying to be: Clean. Adorable. All for my wife.

Yesterday though my disgusting start of this came around with a full, redemptive, in your face, circle.  We were at the foot doctor together yesterday, and he looked at Kari's foot and said looks like a little fungus and I said just trying to be a smarty "Maybe you should pee on it!" And the Doctor looked at us smiled and said "Actually I recommend that, it works great!"  WHAT? WHAT? The start of this revealing disgusting thing I was right? ME? Right? YES!  And to boot Kari picked up her new foot lotion to cure her fungus and guess what was in it? Urea. which is what? sounds like something to me...

So how disgusting am I? What I was saying to do was right! It does help! Maybe i chose the wrong profession, maybe i should be a doctor.  My advice for everything is: Pee on it.

 Who knows maybe my other gross manisms will prove to be ok as time goes on.,  One can hope. And I do. Hope.

You are related to who?

This past Friday was date night for Kari and I.  Date nights are fun, because they give us a chance to get out and spend time with one another.  At the end of our dinner we decided to go the Charlevoix High School football game.  I really enjoy watching football, there is something nostalgic about sitting in the football stands with a blanket watching two teams play one another.

There were a few realizations that I had as we sat through this game.  The first hit me as I listened to the announcer "Run by Boss"  "pass by Potter" called the announcer.  Those of you who do not know these are family names of my wonderful bride from both sides of her family.  I joked saying what is the announcer in your family too? Kari very sweetly chuckled and said "Yes, he is" And later that announcer called down to the line judge saying "Uncle Lou, flip the number will ya!" At this point I had a lot of thoughts run through my head.  But one rose more clearly then the others, so I looked over to my wife and said "I see why you chose to marry a man from out of this town." She said "Why?" I responded with "because you wanted kids who did not have any deformities."  Kari has a lot of people who she is related to in this community, but beyond that she just has deep roots in this town and community.

  And this brings me to the second realization I had:

Because Kari knows these people and more importantly knows their stories she enjoyed just watching them.  I sat and watched the game, she sat and watched the people.  This is one of the things I love about my wife, she never turns people off.  I do.  I enjoyed sitting there watching football, not thinking about anything but the game.  Kari was paying attention to the stories of the people.  The people she knew.  The people from her world.  Even though I enjoy to shut the brain off, something I think I need to work on is to take in the heart behind what Kari was doing, and not shut the people off around me.  To notice them.  To take the time to know this community, to learn their story.  Too often I do not take the time to see the people.  I thank my wife for the reminder of this, for the reminder to stop and look at the people, to see them to know them.....Even if it is in between the plays.

Christopher <><

Listening

"You aren't listening to what I'm thinking!"  Nice quote right?  Who on earth would say such a crazy thing?!  Well, I have to admit that I made that comment to Chris, but there is more to the story...and needless to say, I misspoke as this thought came out of my mouth.  However, I do wonder if there was a piece of me that really did want him to know what I was thinking. 

Typically, I have thought of myself as a good listener.  Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, but I enjoy listening to people as they share thoughts, ideas, and life.  But, I've learned lately (it's amazing how marriage does this to us) that I need to work on my listening skills and on sharing my thoughts rather than assuming someone can read my mind.  I'm not even sure what Chris and I were talking about when I made the comment about him not listening to me, but I do remember the sheer frustration that what I was trying to communicate was not what he was hearing.  He was hearing my words in a different way than I thought I was sharing them. 

In a similar way, Chris and I have been talking about listening to God.  We attempt to live our lives the way that God wants us to, to follow His path for our lives and do the things He wants us to do.   However, it's hard to know what that is at different points in our lives.  It is very clear to me that God has me in my place of work for a reason.  I don't know exactly what that reason is, but it is clear that this is where he wants me.  Not all things are that clear in our lives.  Chris and I decided that perhaps God feels silent in our lives because we are doing all the talking and not enough listening.  Listening to God is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do, but something that I also think is really important.  So, today we made our first attempt at listening.  We went for a walk together, but in silence the entire time.  This is so difficult for me!  I started by asking God to take away any distractions and to move my thoughts to the thing He wanted me to think about.  While I didn't hear any audible voice of God, I do think that God had things for me to hear from Him today.  And guess what, He never asked me to read His mind, but He was willing to place on my heart what is on His!  Another lesson I can learn from Him!  I hope to consistently listen to God and respond to the things He lays on my heart.  I have a hankering that one of those things is to communicate better with my husband so that I am more clearly articulating my thoughts and listening carefully to his.  

May I continue to keep my ears open!
Kari

My Confession

I need to confess something to you.  I am sometimes annoying. Very annoying.  I do not know why I do some of the things I do.  But I am finding they can get me in trouble with my wife.  Here is one instance of something recent.  I have this little habit of flipping switches on and off, on and off, on and off. When i see buttons, i want to push and play. Just something in me drives me to do it.  My wife does not like it when I do that.  When we ride in the car i want to hit the window button up and down, up and down, up and down. She does not like it for a variety of reasons we do not need to get into right now.  So lets sum up where we are at so we are on the same page. Since this is the set up to what really happened.

Chris has annoying habits of flipping things on and off = Wife does not like

So, on with the story.  There is a light switch in our house that does not work.  Her father Bud has fixed it before but it was not working again.  I knew it, And I also know I am not very good at mechanical things especially electrical things.  But I wanted to give it a try, you know being the "man of the house" Because, is that not what the men do, fix things. So, I went down flipped off the electricity (Have to give me credit for knowing that much) And Went up stairs took the plate where the problem was and looked touched some wires and thought to myself "Yup looks good to me-whoever did this obviously did a good and correct job. OBVIOUSLY." I then closed it up. Went downstairs flipped the electricity back on.  As i passed the place where the problem was i hit the switch. And guess what happened? THEY CAME ON! I internally celebrated at my amazing electrical prowess. But than i thought to myself.  "I really didn't do anything...I moved wires. that was it." Then I thought maybe Kari's father came over and got to it. Because there was no way I really did that. I decided to own it anyway.  I decided to be excited because maybe i touched a loose wire.  Who knows. Maybe i missed my calling in life to be an electrician.

Later that evening when Kari was home she was doing the dishes and I said with much pride "Look at what I did" flipping the light on and off, on and off, on and off..  The thing was this time was not out of habit or annoyance but out of excitement wanting to be congratulated for my amazing husband work. And I went ignored.  She barely even looked up from the dishes.  My manmotions (You know the emotions of a man) were very hurt. Where was my "OH HONEY! You are my electrical dream boat!" As she ran towards me for a kiss.  Nothing. So, on off, on off, on off went the light again to showcase my work." STOP THAT!" Kari said. Hmmmm, well that is not at all what I expected to hear. Not at all.

After Kari and I discussed things I found out she thought I was doing my annoying act, and I thought she just did not care.  But none of that was being communicated. I am thankful we had the opportunity to discuss openly and honestly about the situation.  This could have been one of those things that could have gone by with both of us feeling upset.  This is why I am convinced discussion and communication are so important in our relationship.  Also, not holding someones habits as a marker for why they are doing something.  I am glad we worked through this, and I hope we both learned from this situation as well.  I know I did.  I know I have to be careful of my annoying little habits so they are not misjudged in other circumstances.

Everything is better in two's...

For the last three weeks we have been living in Charlevoix.  After a fun summer wrapping up life in the U.P., enjoying time with those people Chris grew to love over the last four years and those I've gotten to know for a couple of years, spending time with friends on the lake, packing, packing, and more packing, we made the big move.  All of our belongings were finally in one place and there was no more solo traveling scheduled for us in the near future.  But, since we have moved here to Charlevoix, I have begun to notice a few things about married life.  Perhaps I'm noticing them more because we are now living in what was once "my" space.  It has now become "ours" and with that, we have also begun doing lots of activities together...things I once did solo.  And it is true, the same "blah" activities have now become more enjoyable and even exciting with two.

For instance, we had a raw wood bed that came from Chris' house and was going to be used in our new guest room.  In order to finish out the room and change what was once an office into a guest room, we needed to stain the bed frame.  A frame that Chris owned for over a year, but never got around to staining (who wants to take on that project solo).  As we left the frame in the garage unpacking, I dreaded the idea of staining it someday.  I also knew that if we carried it inside and put the bed together this way, years would pass before the bed ever was completed.  So, we left it in the garage.  In my head, I wrote it off as a "summer project" (as in the summer of 2011).  I'm not sure if it is just teachers who create these summer to-do lists that I speak of, but any project that seems too big to tackle, gets added to my summer to-do list.  Surprisingly, after a couple of days of unpacking, Chris and I looked at each other as we admired the piles and boxes of craziness in the guest room and he said, "well, should we stain that bed frame so we can get this room in order?"  What?!  Stain the bed, now?  Not wait until the summer of 2011?  I guess we could do it now, and it would be AWESOME to get that room in order.  I have a partner in crime for this project....it sounds so much more doable with two!  I'm in.  Today, I can happily report that we both learned a lot about staining...and the room is complete (well, almost)!


So, I also shouldn't have been surprised when all the boxes of "misc." items ended up in the basement.  We quickly learned that combining two lives of 30 year old's wasn't easy as we've both acquired way too much stuff!  With each box that got carried down (unlabeled) I cringed at the thought of later looking for something in a panic someday when we "had to have it" and not being able to find it!  But, I had to tell myself, "Kari, don't fret about it, we will get to the basement next summer."  See, here I was at my antics again.  The summer of 2011's "to-do" list was growing.  This took a couple more weeks and some boring days, but again, we decided to tackle it together.  Yup, bug bombs set, brooms to the cobwebs, my label-er in hand, and industrial brooms and we were ready to set to it.  It's amazing how a job that seemed SO BIG really only took us a couple of hours.  And guess what!  The completed project is beautiful, neatly organized and labeled rubbermaids adorning the nicely swept and cobweb free basement.  I might just want to venture down there every once in a while now!  Yet again, a project completed together that once seemed daunting is completed...together (and it's not the summer of 2011). 

I could go on and on with projects such as these.  Maybe it's because I had to do these things on my own for so long, but I've found so many projects more enjoyable: cooking, cleaning the house, going for walks, hanging out on a boring day, going shopping, etc.  And there are even other projects that seem to magically to be done!  I haven't mowed a lawn since the beginning of June!!!

In big and small ways, I am learning, that life really is better with two!

~Kari

To dwell or not to dwell.

"You know I will dwell on that if you don't"  Those were the words I heard after I spent 45 minutes on a lawnmower mowing our lawn.  You should know this is no ordinary lawnmower.  It is a Super Z zero degree double handled capable of pealing out, and possibly fast enough to beat a moped lawnmower.  So, when I say I mowed for 45 minutes, you should know it is a decent size lawn. When I was done with this pure manmachine, I put it back up on the trailer locked it up and walked into the house.  On my way in I noticed a little patch I somehow forgot to get. And that is when I heard it. Kari's voice. In my head. Loudly.  Ever since I have married Kari, I have somehow developed this audible Kari voice in my head.  And when I do something, forget to do something, do something the wrong way, The voice is in my head. Loudly.  The thing is I usually respond to it.  I respond because I want to make my bride happy. I listen to it, because I think it is truly what Kari would want me to do.  But I need to admit, I ignored it this time. I thought to myself speaking to the voice in my head, I already loaded the manmachine up, it is ready to be driven back to her parent's house.  I do not want to unload it, and mow this little patch.  The patch can wait till the next mow. Seriously look at it, not that bad, right?

 can you even see where I forgot? Barely.  So the Loud voice went ignored, and I entered the house.  My beautiful and intelligent wife was working diligently on her paper for her doctorate program. I announced "The lawn is done, ready to go bring it back. I missed a little patch but it should be fine." She stood up looked at me very sweetly and said "I would like to see"  I knew right there the voice in my head was right.  The Loud voice of my wife that I ignored, should never have been ignored.  All it took was for her to see the patch, her sweet innocent look at me saying "You know I will dwell on that if you don't" for me to go take the mower of the trailer, mow for 15 seconds, and load it all back up.

I guess I am slowly learning the importance of trying to listen to that voice in my head.  I know my way of doing things and thinking is sometimes very different from my wifes.  But I think marriage is about trying our best to make the other happy, even if it means you are doing things "Not the way you would"  Next time I will try a little better to not ignore the voice in my head. 

-Christopher Scott<><

It'll happen when it's supposed to...

Have you ever had someone say to you, "it'll happen when it's supposed to?"  Or have you ever said it to someone else?  It's one of those comments that deep down, we all know is true...God's timing is perfect and ours is not.  Though we think we know when we are ready for something to happen in our lives, the truth of the matter is that God knows best.  Still, it doesn't take away the sharpness of a comment such as this.  There are a few times in my life when I distinctly remember people making this comment to me.  The first time was in reference to meeting my husband.  I waited for many years to find the perfect man for me.  Throughout the years I found myself asking God, how much longer at different points, all along knowing that His timing was perfect...and that "it'll happen when it's supposed to."  And guess what!  It was true, God's timing was perfect.  Chris and I have actually talked about how we never would have dated each other in high school or probably for a while after that!  God truly knew.  His timing was perfect. 

I've found myself in a similar place these last few months hearing people say, "it'll happen when it's supposed to."  Hearing the comment once again makes me want to punch someone in the face.  Really, it will?  Well why isn't it happening now?  Why do I have to wait?  Why do you have to say that to me?  I'd almost rather hear someone say, "it's never going to happen" or "no means no" or "keep trying."  Maybe it's the prior experience I have with this comment.  Maybe it's because I am uncomfortable with trusting God with the plans in my life.  Maybe it's because it seems like a cliche comment that people say when you don't get something you desire in life.  Either way, I hope to not use the comment with anyone again in my life, so if you catching me saying it to you in the future...remind me, I HATE that line!  :)

Kari

Our differences

We have finally done it; we have joined the world of blogging.  For me I think this is much more though.  It is a time to stop and reflect on the life Kari and I are living together, and how God has made us vastly and uniquely different-Thus the name "Sweetly Sarcastic" Because my bride is one of the most sweet, caring, and loving women I have ever met; and than there is me. Sarcastic. Yes, that sums me up. Sarcastic.  Even though we are different, and view many things differently I know we belong together.  I know she is the one who will always be by my side, and I will be at hers. And this space will give us a "public" arena to laugh, discuss, and share this journey of life we are sharing, along with all of the crazy things that tend to happen along the way. I hope you will enjoy our musings.  I know I will. (No sarcasm attached, this time)

-Christopher Scott<><